There was an old saying, something along the lines of “working here is like pissing your pants in the dark – you get a warm feeling but no one notices.” That is how I feel about my writing lately, blog included. In the distant past, I would write something and all the people who subscribed to my blog would get a notification saying there was a new post. Lately, that hasn’t been happening for some reason. And to make things worse, I have virtually no audience at home, either. I have become a sad creature, like a four year old who drew a picture, tugging on shirts and saying “lookit, lookit,” usually to no avail. Since my last post I have written stories for two more contests, and neither of them is very good. I heard someone say (just last night) that if you do something out of inspiration it is usually a lot better than something done out of necessity or obligation. With little encouragement or feedback, my latest efforts have been to fulfill obligations to contests, not writing with any flair or imagination. So that’s what you get: pretty flat results. Yet in a way it feels like that’s hanging the blame on other people for what I’m unhappy about, when it is almost completely my own fault.
Since the tagline of this blog promises (threatens?) bargain basement literature, I will post the first story. It’s – OMG – another romantic comedy, which features the same two hopeless dolt lovers, Jeff and Ruby. I don’t really enjoy writing rom coms, but it keeps on happening. This one was for NYC Midnight, a 1,000 word limit. Had to be set on a ski lift and contain gasoline or petrol.
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Hanging Around
The skiers made their way to the chairlift and were scooped up, two by two, for the return ride to the top of the run. Jeff stepped into the path of the oncoming seat and was lurched into the air. He settled in for the six minute ride and took in the stunning mountain view. He glanced to his right to see he was accompanied by an athletic woman, a few strands of blonde hair danced around her face in the breeze. It couldn’t be. “Ruby?” he inquired.
“Jeff? Holy crap! Of all the people to get paired with. How have you been?”
“I’m doing great. What have you been up to the last five years?” He hadn’t seen her since he left for university.
“Just finished my registered massage therapy training. You know, working now, rubbing sore people, that sort of thing.”
The chairlift suddenly stopped with a jerk, and the seat swung in the breeze. The ground was at least 40 feet down, too far to jump. Jeff could feel panic rising in his chest. Surely they will get it running again very soon, no need for concern. Ruby smiled at him and shrugged a “now what?” sort of a shrug. She seemed pretty calm, which he focused on for support.
“I sure hope this gets going again soon. I’d hate for all those sore people to go un-rubbed,” Jeff said, trying to sound composed.
“This must happen all the time. They probably just have to send away to Switzerland for parts.” Ruby remembered Jeff suffered with anxiety, but she chose to keep things light. “Shouldn’t take more than a few days.”
After a pause he asked “What will happen first: will we starve to death or freeze to death in this wind?”
Ruby was glad Jeff was joking around. “Probably freeze. They can throw us sandwiches and water, but a blanket would never make it this high. And starvation takes weeks. I, for one, am in no immediate danger of starving,” she said, patting her tummy. “You have some saved up fuel too, pizza guy.”
“Of course we could cuddle, which would help prolong our agony.”
“Thanks, Jeff. Glad to know you considered cuddling with me painful.”
At this height the wind was really blowing. It was fine when the lift was only a few minutes, but as time went by and there was no physical exertion between rides, the cold was becoming an issue. They pushed together on the chair, but their ski suits were insulated enough that it didn’t make much difference.
“Are you here with a boyfriend? Someone who may have a problem with us cuddling?”
“No, I’m single. I came here with my sister and her husband. You?”
“Single too. I came home from work one day to an empty apartment. She cleaned the place out without so much as a goodbye.” He was relieved to know she wasn’t being watched, and the human contact was comforting. “Can you imagine getting stuck up here with someone you wouldn’t cuddle with, like your mother?”
“I’m sure my mother wouldn’t enjoy it either. She was pretty happy when you left town.” The truth was her mother may have thrown Jeff to his demise by this point. The only thing that may save him in that scenario is the possibility he might survive the fall and live to testify against her.
“I’m pretty cold. If I was stuck with someone totally repellent, I might need some toes amputated later,” she said, getting back to the question.
Jeff closed his eyes and concentrated on breathing. Take deep breaths in, and slowly exhale through the nose. Nothing to worry about. Ruby is right here, being sensible and warm. Just stay cool. Like Arthur Fonzarelli working the juke box, everything’s under control. He could feel his heart rate slowing and his mind clearing.
Suddenly Ruby shouted and he snapped back to the present. “Hey! What’s the hold up?” She caught the attention of a ski patrol worker in an orange jacket.
“The power is out. There’s a generator but we don’t have any gas. Someone went to get some, so hopefully we’re going again shortly.” Jeff felt his anxiety rising again. Hopefully? Shortly? He didn’t like the lack of certainty he was hearing, and he also didn’t care for the acknowledgement that this pause wasn’t ending right away. Gas? What sort of fly by night operation uses a gas generator? He pictured a huge diesel generator, something with some serious wattage. Jeff was getting riled up, feeling trapped. If panic fully set in, he would need an escape plan. Would the snow break his fall if he jumped? Could he shimmy along the cable and climb down the next tower? He needed to get back to the breathing before he did something stupid.
The ski patrol guy continued down the hill, conveying his message to the other skiers hanging in the air. “Well, they’re working on it, I guess,” Ruby said emptily. “How are you doing?”
“Not great. I need to relax, get my pulse back to normal.” He held out his gloved hand and it was shaking visibly. Ruby gathered him in for a hug. She knew he would be ok, but she wanted to make him believe it.
“It’s ok, do your breathing. I’m sure the ski patrol man is heading into town with his jerry can as we speak.” In hindsight, that didn’t really strike the confident tone she had hoped for. “Or maybe they can just siphon some gas in the parking lot, really speed things up.”
Jeff laughed. “Hopefully the employee parking lot, starting with the boss’s car.”
They squeezed together and it was warm and familiar.
Then the lift started moving again, with cheers from stranded skiers echoing on the hillside.
“Thanks for keeping me warm, Jeff”
“Thanks for keeping me calm. Any interest in letting me take you to dinner?”
“Sure, if you have any gas in your tank.”
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I’ll wait if you have the urge to brush your teeth or gargle or something to purge bad tastes. Pop a mint if you have one nearby, and let’s all pray that’s the end of those two characters. The other story I wrote was just a stretched out version of Lieber’s Report. I had six weeks or so to write any fiction I wanted, but I waited until the deadline was 48 hours away before I started writing, so I just took a story I knew already and stuffed it with Pop Tarts and whole milk until I had it fattened up to 2,000 words from 250. If you want to read it, send a comment and I’ll post it. Otherwise just read the first Lieber’s Report again, posted in November 2019.
I have another contest to write for in a couple weeks, and maybe two contests if I get through my first round. And I have to study for a test at work which I take in September. I know why I have to take the test, but it is hard to study water work stuff after a full day at work. Last time I read that book I woke up face down on it with my reading glasses askew and drool coming out of my mouth. Oh well, first world problems, eh? Enjoy the rest of your summer!