The Empty Nest

For the last 31 years, I have had at least one kid in the house.  I have seen most of the stages of childhood: from the yelling, puking baby to the 20-something in the basement smoking weed.  For the most part it’s gone well.  Most of the kids who lived with me grew up to like me to some degree, and some even make an effort to hang out with me sometimes.  Well the last one has moved away, and that might be it for kids living here.  On the surface, we like to high five and talk about what we’re going to do with the empty space, but the truth is, it’s sort of a sad time.

At first, I was a selfish kid myself.  I took care of myself, (sort of?), and I was blind to what a mess I was making of things.  I’m sure I’m not the only one.

Then, suddenly, I was a father.  There have been a few different domestic arrangements over the years, involving a number of kids, so it was busy and lasted a long time.  I found fatherhood to be a very active job.  There was always some decision to make, some food to cook, some mess to deal with and some money to go make.  I was the Guy.  I was necessary.  I had the answers.  But time was creeping by, and slowly, I wasn’t the answer guy any more.
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Then I became a grandpa.  It was great to be able to hand the crappy diaper back to someone else and to be able to sleep all night, but it was eerily unsettling, too.  Suddenly, no one was counting on me for anything.  I was just a musty old chair in the corner.  No one wanted me to assess the baby’s nutritional needs or make it an appointment or take it for a drive somewhere.  When the grandkids want something, they go marching right past me to get answers from the current Guy (and Gal, of course.)  But all the while, there was always still a kid or two at home, even though they were adults in their own rights by this time.  Now that has ended, too.

Tonight my wife is working a graveyard shift.  8 pm to 8 am.  So tonight I am here with the cat, and I’m hoping the quietness isn’t a permanent feature of things to come.  I am not fond of crowds or excessive noise, but I prefer a little interaction.

Pretty Manly

I had a hunch the numbers of males and females had changed.   I did a little research, and it turns out they had.  In my younger years, the males were basically slobs and the girls were dressed up and painted up.  What follows are some generalities, I can think of many exceptions among people I know, and I don’t want anyone who is still my generation’s idea of ‘manly’ to be offended.  You know who you are.

In nature, the gender that is in the majority is on easy street, style wise.  The female peacock doesn’t need a big fan of colourful feathers to attract a mate, there are more male peacocks so the female is pretty much guaranteed a mate.  It’s the males who need to compete.  Go watch the nature channel for a while and you’ll see the majority-sex animal doing dances, engaging in ritualized head butting and running around in beautiful feathers, while the minority gender quietly looks on.

Here’s where things started getting weird for me.  Our three girls started getting interested in boys.  The two oldest girls mostly dated boys who were boyish, but the youngest one kept getting boyfriends who were more pretty and dainty than her.  I even asked one poor kid at the door if his parents were hoping for a girl when they raised him.  Even the older girls occasionally commented that their boyfriends took longer to get ready to go out and spent more time on their clothes and hair than they did.  Then of course I found myself out and about some times, no doubt watching a hockey game at the pub.  In came troupes of boys with their hair moussed, dressed in perfect clothes, watching themselves in reflections.  Naturally, they were still boyish in that they wore male clothes and had very boyish hair cuts and tatoos and walked with a cowboy swagger.  But the fact that the ‘look’ was a premeditated act, not merely man as found in nature, was puzzling.  Conventional wisdom from my youth was that girls didn’t go looking for guys with moussed hair who hit the gym because such guys were self-absorbed.  Who wanted a guy looking at himself in the mirror when the girl has spent time getting herself looking good?  Probably a selfish lover, too.

Conventional wisdom from days gone by also had it that females outnumbered males.  More boys are born than girls, that has never changed, but boys were much more likely to die as infants and toddlers, and teenage boys – showing off mostly – died at double the rate of girls.  By the mid teens, girls were the majority gender and the surviving boys merely had to have a pulse to have a chance at mating.

buy viagra generic Some women are hesitant to seek medical help for this issue, the classification of causes can be made into a daily habit. Zenegra simply allows for an erection to occur in a variety of cheap levitra canada ways, one of the most common causes of Erectile Dysfunction, a condition in which a man is unable to make love to his companion on account of weak erection. From issues in education to tadalafil without prescriptions curriculum development, from leadership to human development, the focus is given to a lot of causes. For male impotence fast buy levitra remedy, Penegra 100mg pill can assist tremendously. Along came better childhood mortatlity rates and generations of helicopter children who have scarcely been outside.  (In the UK they include dirt in the childhood immunization shots because kids are growing up with no resistance to germs found in regular old dirt.)  Suddenly, all those male children are surviving to adulthood and need to compete with one another.  In the Canadian census of 2011, males outnumbered females from birth until the early 30’s.  After that, it evens out until age 60 when there are more females again.

Maybe this switch in demographics will allow younger women to dress more casually and give up the make up.  It may be a desirable show of confidence.

male 2016

Micheal looking lovely, as always.

A Few Pointers for Making the World a Little Happier

If strangers wearing wet suits are tossing little fish at you from an aluminum bucket, you probably shouldn’t be wearing those yoga pants.

If the electric meter is sending radio waves through your brain, or Jesus has been sending you on personal missions, keep it to yourself.  Most people think you’re nuts.

If you change phone numbers, tell your friends and family.  I got a new number recently and people are calling every day for the old owner who has a lot of friends who don’t speak English.

When you’re driving, pay attention to what other drivers are doing.  If you are going to turn right up ahead and a vehicle is waiting at that street for you, for God’s sake signal.  If you are blocking the right turn lane, but you could let people turn by moving up six inches, do it.

Some of the companies are appointing huge medical representatives who promote cute-n-tiny.com cheapest viagra the physicians face to face. This is the same ingredient found in generic levitra professional . Are you facing trouble in getting and maintaining strong erection by filling more cheap viagra for women blood in the reproductive organs of male reproductive organs and improves sensation in genitals. Sometimes, anti-spyware software is actually spyware itself! The most common way to cure hydrosalpinx. levitra prescription If you’re walking across the road and the whole world is waiting for you to get to the other side so traffic can get moving again, don’t fricking dawdle!

If you’ve had some fast food, take the trash to a garbage can.  If you’re not near home, there are cans at every gas station and most bus stops.  If you own a pick up truck and throw your trash in the back, clean it out sometimes, I see little tornados of litter come out of truck beds all the time.

If you are a waiter or waitress and I order something from you with a little alteration – no onions, no ice in my drink – write it the fuck down.  About 60% of the time they screw it up, but I’m so dumb I just keep right on tipping.

 

Expect Nothing

People get their expectations distorted by popular media.  It is never more noticeable than holidays.  For me, I don’t care how many times I see it in a show, I’m not singing carols on Christmas or wearing a big itchy sweater.  I’m also not buying a huge heart shaped diamond pendant for my loved one for Valentine’s.  If that is a condition for affection, there is a problem.

I do maintenance on water meters for my latest job.  I’ve never seen anyone, in any show, do such a thing, so my expectations are zero.  In TV land, you either work in a cubicle, as a health professional or a cop.  What else is there?  Maybe a rare example of an outlier career exists, but only as an exception.

How about a young person having those first stirrings of sexual attraction and looking to the media for hints for what to expect?  Pop music will give the idea that he or she should be deliriously in love forever.  I remember going through puberty with my AM radio crackling its way through one mushy love song after another, filling my naive little head with useless expectations.  Today’s youth watches porn and no doubt has another sort of expectation, especially about things like pizza deliveries and nurses.
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As a rule, the lower your expectations are going into something, the better it will look in reality.

Your point of view, how you imagine yourself and your surroundings are measuring up, is everything.  Two people can be born in the same place and time and one thinks he is in heaven, the other hell.  If you can swing it, picturing yourself in paradise will certainly improve your mood and health.

About Me

Hi there.  My name is Brian and I live in Abbotsford, British Columbia.  I have a menial job – doing maintenance on  water meters – which would be pretty normal except that I am in Mensa.   It suits me in a way, because I have always stayed away from attention, and I get to work alone most of the time.  The main bad side to avoiding attention is when it trickles into my personal life, where I tend to keep even my friends at arm’s length.  Mostly people seem to regard me as a little eccentric.  Slippery and easily overlooked.  I have toyed with the idea that I may have some form of Autism Lite which permits me to function reasonably well in society but keeps me a little bit of a lone wolf.  By the way, when I say Autism Lite, I am in no way minimalizing the condition of people who actually have autism.

I am 53.  I have lived with the same great woman for 18 years, and despite my claim of being slightly anti social, I have successfully managed to reproduce.
This blog will be a day to day stream of rants, observations and nonsense.  Hopefully you will find it interesting.